“I think MacGregor might be a genius. Anyone so oblivious to the horror of the human world must be.”

“I may never recover. It was like an out-of-body experience. I’m an alien trying on human rituals.”

“Can you dance?Of course, I said, even though I can’t really. I think enthusiasm counts for a lot in dancing and in life.”

“I haven’t been that happy since I became conscious for the first time, you know, when I became aware of myself and got so uncomfortable and everything.”

“When I write my book I'm going to tell people that if they happen to forget their wide-mouth jar, they should pee far enough away from their position so it doesn't ruin their hiding spot.”

“Much as I usually dislike nice, positive people, I have to admit that Margaret isn’t bad.”

“In the future if my mother tries to shame me with her disapproval, I will let her know in no uncertain terms that I reject her and all of her codependent baggage. I am Codependent No More.”