“MISERABLE SCHOOLIE MODE DISENGAGED EASTER HOLIDAYS MODE INITIALIZING... COMMENCING CHOCOLATE-ANTICIPATION SQUEE IN 5 4 3 2 1 SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! TWO WEEKS OF FREEEEEEEDOM! OK, so actually more like two weeks of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKDOM.”

“These are: (1) the Moral Law; (2) Heaven; (3) Earth; (4) the Commander; (5) method and discipline.”

“1. Heat the oven to Denial.2. Prepare the pan with a spray of Anger.3. Mix in two medium-size bargains with The Bony Guy.4. Add 1/3 cup of Depression (tears will do if you want low-fat).5. Bake...until you can jab a toothpick in your arm and it seems Acceptable.”

“Forget Not: 1)to be patient with yourself. 2) the difference between good and foolish sacrifices. 3) to be happy NOW. 4) the 'why' of the gospel. 5) the Lord loves you.”

“The writer must be four people: 1) The nut, the obsede 2) The moron 3) The stylist 4) The critic. 1 supplies the material; 2 lets it come out; 3 is taste; 4 is intelligence.”

“normal person's weekly chore list:1. clean kitchen.2. clean bathroom.3. clean entire rest of domicile.cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.”