“Recovering from a gunshot wound is not a vacation. You need to, like, write that on your hand or something.”

“If he's at this party, I want you to stay far away from him.""Shouldn't that rule apply to you, and Jules, too? Unless your penises make you magically bulletproof.”

“I'll be careful."He looked at her."I promise.""Call me if you need me.""Cosmo."He turned to look at her."It does go both ways. I don't want to get a call from Tom Paoletti and Decker every Memorial Day.”

“How can you sit here and know that day... three I'm not going to be driving you crazy because I laugh like a horse or...or... dress up your penis in Barbie clothes?”

“A good fiction writer can write any character or any story that she wants to write. The importance, IMO, is a burning desire to tell that person's story.”

“When you sit that way, you look kind of like a beach ball with a head,” he continued. “Your haircut is really, really bad, I’m probably going to lose my job for helping you this way, and I’m dying to fuck you.” He glanced at her. “That honest enough for you?”

“Forget about writing to Penthouse.This one was going to be a story for their grandkids.”