“It’s not wondering what I breathe in, but who, that threatens to choke me.”

“It’s time for the drawing. Effie Trinket says as she always does, “Ladies first!” and crosses to the glass ball with the girls’ names. She reaches in, digs her hand deep into the ball, and pulls out a slip of paper. The crowd draws in a collective breath and then you can hear a pin drop, and I’m feeling nauseous and so desperately hoping that it’s not me, that it’s not me, that it’s not me.”

“All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly. And I hate him for it.”

“What am I going to do? I take a deep breath. My arms rise slightly—as if recalling the black-and-white wings Cinna gave me—then come to rest at my sides. “I’m going to be the Mockingjay.”

“The hatred I feel for him, for the phantom girl, for everything, is so real and immediate it chokes me. Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else is unthinkable. Why did it take him being whipped within an inch of his life to see it?”

“I get to the bottom of why I'm so upset. When I do, it's almost too Mortifying to admit. All this months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.”

“I reach out and take his hand.“Well, he probably used up a lot of resources helping me knock you out,” I say mischievously.“Yeah, about that,” says Peeta, entwining his fingers in mine. “Don’t try something like that again.”“Or what?” I ask.“Or . . . or . . .” He can’t think of anything good. “Just give me a minute.”“What’s the problem?” I say with a grin.“The problem is we’re both still alive. Which only reinforces the idea in your mind that you did the right thing,” says Peeta.“I did do the right thing,” I say.“No! Just don’t, Katniss!” His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there’s real anger in his voice. “Don’t die for me. You won’t be doing me any favors. All right?”I’m startled by his intensity but recognize an excellent opportunity for getting food, so I try to keep up. “Maybe I did it for myself, Peeta, did you ever think of that? Maybe you aren’t the only one who . . . who worries about . . . what it would be like if. . .”I fumble. I’m not as smooth with words as Peeta. And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don’t want him to die. And it’s not about the sponsors. And it’s not about what will happen back home.And it’s not just that I don’t want to be alone. It’s him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.“If what, Katniss?” he says softly.I wish I could pull the shutters closed, blocking out this moment from the prying eyes of Panem. Even if it means losing food. Whatever I’m feeling, it’s no one’s business but mine.“That’s exactly the kind of topic Haymitch told me to steer clear of,” I say evasively, although Haymitch never said anything of the kind. In fact, he’s probably cursing me out right now for dropping the ball during such an emotionally charged moment. But Peeta somehow catches it.“Then I’ll just have to fill in the blanks myself,” he says, and moves in to me.This is the first kiss that we’re both fully aware of. Neither of us hobbled by sickness or pain or simply unconscious. Our lips neither burning with fever or icy cold. This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious.This is the first kiss that makes me want another.But I don’t get it. Well, I do get a second kiss, but it’s just a light one on the tip of my nose because Peeta’s been distracted.“I think your wound is bleeding again. Come on, lie down, it’s bedtime anyway,” he says.”