“A double shot of Laphroaig twenty-five-year-old, neat, please. And ask the bartender for a small shot glass of spring water, non-sparkling,” Gabriel instructed without making eye contact with the waitress.The waitress left, and Rachel began to laugh. “Big brother, only you could make ordering a drink sound pretentious.”-Rachel to Gabriel”

“Rachel looked annoyed. “Do you think he’s embarrassed by us?” “More likely he’s embarrassed by her,” said Gabriel. “She’s probably a stripper.” “Professors in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Rachel glared at her brother and stormed out.”

“Randy stared into the glass he held in his hand, gazing into its cobra eyes. A double shot of thirty-year-old single malt whisky. You can’t be an alcoholic when you only drink top shelf. Right?”

“Waitress: "And to drink?"Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.”

“H.A.P.P.Y How are people playing you? My Hand, three of a kind. Today I fold. bartender another drink please... make that a double.”

“An elephant walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “What can I get for you?” The elephant replies, “Sex on the beach, please.” To which the bartender responds, “Sorry, but I’m afraid your penis is too big for me.” “That’s no problem,” the elephant says as he smiles, “how about a double shot of Don’t worry, I brought a few gallons of anal lube.”