“Doreen had intuition. Everything she said was like a secret voice speaking straight out of my own bones.”
“I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn't groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor or pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”
“The only reason I remembered this play was because it had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out.”
“In PlasterI shall never get out of this! There are two of me now:This new absolutely white person and the old yellow one, And the white person is certainly the superior one. She doesn't need food, she is one of the real saints. At the beginning I hated her, she had no personality --She lay in bed with me like a dead body And I was scared, because she was shaped just the way I was Only much whiter and unbreakable and with no complaints.I couldn't sleep for a week, she was so cold. I blamed her for everything, but she didn't answer. I couldn't understand her stupid behavior! When I hit her she held still, like a true pacifist. Then I realized what she wanted was for me to love her:She began to warm up, and I saw her advantages. Without me, she wouldn't exist, so of course she was grateful. I gave her a soul, I bloomed out of her as a rose Blooms out of a vase of not very valuable porcelain, And it was I who attracted everybody's attention, Not her whiteness and beauty, as I had at first supposed. I patronized her a little, and she lapped it up -- You could tell almost at once she had a slave mentality. I didn't mind her waiting on me, and she adored it. In the morning she woke me early, reflecting the sun From her amazingly white torso, and I couldn't help but notice Her tidiness and her calmness and her patience: She humored my weakness like the best of nurses, Holding my bones in place so they would mend properly.In time our relationship grew more intense. She stopped fitting me so closely and seemed offish. I felt her criticizing me in spite of herself, As if my habits offended her in some way. She let in the drafts and became more and more absent-minded. And my skin itched and flaked away in soft pieces Simply because she looked after me so badly. Then I saw what the trouble was: she thought she was immortal.She wanted to leave me, she thought she was superior, And I'd been keeping her in the dark, and she was resentful -- Wasting her days waiting on a half-corpse! And secretly she began to hope I'd die.Then she could cover my mouth and eyes, cover me entirely, And wear my painted face the way a mummy-case Wears the face of a pharaoh, though it's made of mud and water. I wasn't in any position to get rid of her. She'd supported me for so long I was quite limp -- I had forgotten how to walk or sit, So I was careful not to upset her in any way Or brag ahead of time how I'd avenge myself. Living with her was like living with my own coffin: Yet I still depended on her, though I did it regretfully. I used to think we might make a go of it together -- After all, it was a kind of marriage, being so close. Now I see it must be one or the other of us. She may be a saint, and I may be ugly and hairy, But she'll soon find out that that doesn't matter a bit. I'm collecting my strength; one day I shall manage without her, And she'll perish with emptiness then, and begin to miss me.--written 26 Feburary 1961”
“I told Doreen I would not go to the show or the luncheon or the film premiere, but that I would not go to Coney Island either, I would stay in bed. Then I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I should any more. This made me sad and tired. Then I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I shouldn't, the way Doreen did, and this made me even sadder and more tired.”
“I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.”
“When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know."Oh, sure you know," the photographer said."She wants," said Jay Cee wittily, "to be everything.”