“From the night Buddy Willard kissed me and said I must go out with a lot of boys, he made me feel I was much more sexy and experienced than he was and that everything he did like hugging and kissing and petting was simply what I made him feel like doing out of the blue, he couldn’t help it and didn’t know how it came about. Now I saw he had only been pretending all this time to be so innocent.”

“I simply wanted a kiss. I was a freshman girl who had never been kissed. Never. But I liked the boy, he liked me, and I was going to kiss him. That's the story, the whole story, right there.”

“Ben kissed me like he could kiss me forever, like he had to kiss me forever and he wanted to, he wanted me, and when he felt my surprise at that, I could feel again how beautiful I was to him, how I was beautiful beyond words.”

“It was tempting to fall back on reliable tactics and pretend things were…perfect. To pretend he was only a boy and I was only a girl and we desired each other. I wanted him to hold and kiss me and pretend he would do anything to protect me. I wanted to pretend he felt a fraction of the things I couldn’t seem to stop myself from feeling for him. My heart hurt. As much as my shoulder and ribs screamed with pain, they were eclipsed by the sorrow in my heart. I couldn’t pretend anymore. The time for it had passed; there was only the reality of things left to deal with. ”

“You know what else I did?' he yelled after me as I left. "I fingered her!"I turned back to look at him. He made me laugh. He pretended to be so confused and helpless, but maybe he was smarter than all of us.'The inside of a vagina isn't at all what I thought it would feel like,' he shouted excitedly. 'It feels very organized.'Maybe not.”

“I liked this guy a lot. And I thought he liked me a lot, but in truth he didn’t really like me at all. He was my first boyfriend, and I made him my everything-he was my new life, my new love, my new compass point. I guess that’s the danger with flirts-you lose all sense of proportion. So I made a fool of myself, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I was so devoted to him.”