“I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.”

“Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.”

“My brother has his swords, I have my books. A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.”

“[Inigo corners Count Rugen, knocks his sword aside, and slashes his cheek, giving him a scar just like Inigo's] Inigo Montoya: Offer me money. Count Rugen: Yes! Inigo Montoya: Power, too, promise me that. [He slashes his other cheek] Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please... Inigo Montoya: Offer me anything I ask for. Count Rugen: Anything you want... [Rugen knocks Inigo's sword aside and lunges. But Inigo traps his arm and aims his sword at Rugen's stomach] Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch!”

“I feel like I just went to my own funeral. and I didn’t like the eulogy”

“By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!”