“The woman is perfected.Her deadBody wears the smile of accomplishment,The illusion of a Greek necessityFlows in the scrolls of her toga,Her bareFeet seem to be saying:We have come so far, it is over.Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,One at each littlePitcher of milk, now empty.She has foldedThem back into her body as petalsOf a rose close when the gardenStiffens and odors bleedFrom the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.The moon has nothing to be sad about,Staring from her hood of bone.She is used to this sort of thing.Her blacks crackle and drag.”
“In PlasterI shall never get out of this! There are two of me now:This new absolutely white person and the old yellow one, And the white person is certainly the superior one. She doesn't need food, she is one of the real saints. At the beginning I hated her, she had no personality --She lay in bed with me like a dead body And I was scared, because she was shaped just the way I was Only much whiter and unbreakable and with no complaints.I couldn't sleep for a week, she was so cold. I blamed her for everything, but she didn't answer. I couldn't understand her stupid behavior! When I hit her she held still, like a true pacifist. Then I realized what she wanted was for me to love her:She began to warm up, and I saw her advantages. Without me, she wouldn't exist, so of course she was grateful. I gave her a soul, I bloomed out of her as a rose Blooms out of a vase of not very valuable porcelain, And it was I who attracted everybody's attention, Not her whiteness and beauty, as I had at first supposed. I patronized her a little, and she lapped it up -- You could tell almost at once she had a slave mentality. I didn't mind her waiting on me, and she adored it. In the morning she woke me early, reflecting the sun From her amazingly white torso, and I couldn't help but notice Her tidiness and her calmness and her patience: She humored my weakness like the best of nurses, Holding my bones in place so they would mend properly.In time our relationship grew more intense. She stopped fitting me so closely and seemed offish. I felt her criticizing me in spite of herself, As if my habits offended her in some way. She let in the drafts and became more and more absent-minded. And my skin itched and flaked away in soft pieces Simply because she looked after me so badly. Then I saw what the trouble was: she thought she was immortal.She wanted to leave me, she thought she was superior, And I'd been keeping her in the dark, and she was resentful -- Wasting her days waiting on a half-corpse! And secretly she began to hope I'd die.Then she could cover my mouth and eyes, cover me entirely, And wear my painted face the way a mummy-case Wears the face of a pharaoh, though it's made of mud and water. I wasn't in any position to get rid of her. She'd supported me for so long I was quite limp -- I had forgotten how to walk or sit, So I was careful not to upset her in any way Or brag ahead of time how I'd avenge myself. Living with her was like living with my own coffin: Yet I still depended on her, though I did it regretfully. I used to think we might make a go of it together -- After all, it was a kind of marriage, being so close. Now I see it must be one or the other of us. She may be a saint, and I may be ugly and hairy, But she'll soon find out that that doesn't matter a bit. I'm collecting my strength; one day I shall manage without her, And she'll perish with emptiness then, and begin to miss me.--written 26 Feburary 1961”
“MirrorI am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.Whatever I see I swallow immediatelyJust as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.I am not cruel, only truthful-The eye of the little god, four cornered.Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall. It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so longI think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.Faces and darkness separate us over and over.Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,Searching my reaches for what she really is.Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.I am important to her. She comes and goes.Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old womanRises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.--written 1960”
“This woman lawyer said the best men wanted to be pure for their wives, and even if they weren't pure, they wanted to be the ones to teach their wives about sex. Of course they would try to persuade a girl to have sex and say they would marry her later, but assoon as she gave in, they would lose all respect for her and start saying that if she did that with them she would do that with other men and they would end up by making her lifemiserable.”
“I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn't groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor or pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”
“My mind is, to use a disgustingly obvious simile, like a wastebasket full of waste paper; bits of hair, and rotting apple cores. I am feeling depressed from being exposed to so many lives, so many of them exciting, new to my realm of experience. I pass by people, grazing them on the edges, and it bothers me. I've got to admire someone to really like them deeply - to value them as friends. It was that way with Ann: I admired her wit, her riding, her vivacious imagination - all the things that made her the way she was. I could lean on her as she leaned on me. Together the two of us could face anything - only not quite anything, or she would be back. And so she is gone, and I am bereft for awhile. But what do I know of sorrow?”
“I wanted to tell her that if only something were wrong with my body it would be fine, I would rather have anything wrong with my body than something wrong with my head, but the idea seemed so involved and wearisome that I didn’t say anything. I only burrowed down further in the bed.”