“Even at this ridiculous hour, and clad in a faded blue t-shirt and ancient pyjama pants, he looked like something Michelangelo might reject for being too beautiful”

“Normally the first to read the small print, I had deliberately hidden away any paperwork that referred to this ridiculous task, and now I found myself kissing goodbye to a laptop, a mobile phone and two fully-loaded MP3 players, not to mention the halogen light that allowed me to work through the night if I so desired.   I stared disconsolately out over the shimmering tarmac and   wondered if I might be granted permission to shave my legs.”

“Just out of interest, what did you make of my Finn?Probably the most beautiful man I've ever seen.”

“The voice in my head is is fond of upper-case. It's like having a sub-cranial golden retriever.”

“I don't expect you to be like them. Don't want you to be. It's not them I want, it's you. From the moment we met, it's only been you.”

“God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’ I nodded.   ‘Banished to a dark cupboard for all eternity.’ ‘You cold-hearted bastard.’ ‘Give me a hot water bottle any day.   At least they have some appreciable function.   Not like that pathetic pile of overpriced fake fur and anthropomorphic bullshit I locked in the wardrobe.’‘You have serious teddy bear issues.”

“She wore a cantilevered, augmented-breast-skimming satin dress the colour of egg-yolk. Somewhere in deepest Nebraska, a prom queen two sizes smaller than Selena was wondering where the fuck her outfit had disappeared to.”