“What is it with girls and vampires?" charlie asked, trying to smile. "They're pretty and they sparkle in the sun, just like unicorns." --Scout”

“Norbert?" Charlie laughed. "The Norwegian Ridgeback? We call her Norberta now." "Wha -- Norbert's a girl?" "Oh yeah," said Charlie. "How can you tell?" asked Hermoine. "They're a lot more vicious," said Charlie.”

“I blame it on Twilight. In real life, vampires only sparkle when they're on fire.”

“...Usually i’d sit back and just enjoy the view for what it was because it’s not often you come across something so ridiculously out of place, a girl like you, on the subway, it’s like spotting a unicorn at the zoo.I reasoned how to pull this off, to get you, to say hi, to ask your name, what your voice sounded like, if you had a cute smile because i like cute smiles. In ten minutes I had a thousand thoughts of you and you had no clue...”

“And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper.”

“.. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack." Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet”