“Better the comfort of a lie than the absurdity of the truth.”

“Isn't that just like a man. 450-fucking-years-old and he's still thinking with his balls!”

“Violence is never the answer but sometimes, like with cockroaches, it is the only possible response.”

“Most people don't care who's in charge as long as someone is.”

“But I am a knight of the Round Table," he protested, weakly. "I am a protector of the realm, a slayer of evil, I defeat all those who raise their swords in opposition to Arthur, King of all Britain." "Trust me, kid, women prefer a man who can cook.”

“What goes on between a man and his missus is nobody's business; especially where desert toppin's involved.”

“Once a man began thinking with his body, intelligent decisions came few and far between.”