“Large men in black plate mail with red cloaks and plumes don't sneak worth a damn.”

“Most people don't care who's in charge as long as someone is.”

“Dexter thrust a pamphlet into Samuel's hand. "Greenstreet Mission. We're doing a Christmas dinner. You can get a meal and hear the word of God."Samuel smiled in relief. This, finally, he understood. "Which word?""What?""Well, God's said a lot of words, you know, and a word like 'it' or 'the' wouldn't be worth hearing again but its always fun listening to Him try and say aluminum.”

“Isn't that just like a man. 450-fucking-years-old and he's still thinking with his balls!”

“Violence is never the answer but sometimes, like with cockroaches, it is the only possible response.”

“But I am a knight of the Round Table," he protested, weakly. "I am a protector of the realm, a slayer of evil, I defeat all those who raise their swords in opposition to Arthur, King of all Britain." "Trust me, kid, women prefer a man who can cook.”

“What goes on between a man and his missus is nobody's business; especially where desert toppin's involved.”