“I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic”

“Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly.”

“Sometimes you have to learn to love the little mo stars for something other than a tax deductions they provide you" ~ClaireSeductions & Snacks”

“He picks up one of the tests and pretends like he's Harry Potter, aiming the test at random objects around the small bathroom yelling, "I curse you with my magic wand, punk toilet paper!”

“I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.”

“Really?   Because I recall you asking the Elvis impersonator at your Vegas wedding if he could add a line to Jenny’s vows that said, ‘I promise to always give blow jobs with a smile on my face and love in my heart,”

“I was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators.”