“I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know much, but I did know the rules about owning a dick. Rule number one: It should never bleed. Rule number two: There was no rule number two. IT SHOULD NEVER BLEED.”

“As much as I hated to admit it, Ami was right. Rule number two of lying is to make it as airtight as possible. Which just goes back to rule number one: never get caught.”

“Svava: "Rule number one: Never make a fool of yourself."Riis: "Rule number two: Never be a burden to any one."Svava: "Rule number three: Always be in the fashion.”

“Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes?”

“I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!”

“When you were little and you were afraid of the boogey man, getting under the covers meant he couldn't see you or grab your foot while you were sleeping. True story. I figured the same rules applied with dead people watching you masturbate.”

“Luce: But I thought you said I should stay away from the hard cases.Arriane: Rule number two — don't listen to me!”