“I'm not going to hold my breast for another invitiation" - Jenny”

“Just giving Jenny a last minute pep talk before the race," Drew informs him."There's no need for that, Claire is going to kick everyone's ass." Carter says.Drew laughs and shakes his head. "Oh that's hilarious, limp dick! I know for a fact that Jenny will be the victor.""The Victor? Who's Victor? Is that like some vibrator champion or something? Is the race named after this Victor guy?"Claire pats my shoulder and just smiles at me. I guess she already knows about Victor. I'm always the last to know everything.”

“Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth!”

“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the fat.”

“Because I'm pretty sure we conceived this child the night I ate that pot cookie. I'm eighty-four percent positive our child is going to be born a pot head. It's going to come out with dreadlocks and wearing a Bob Marley onesie. Its first word will probably be 'Whaaaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuup'. It's never, ever going to sleep through the night because it's always going to have the munchies.”

“I changed my mind. Maybe I do want a black hole for a vagina. How bad could it be? I wouldn't need to carry a purse anymore. I could just shove things up my twat. 'Oh, you need a pen? Hold on, let me check in my vagina. What's that you say? Do I have a flashlight? Let me stick my hand up my vag and find out.' Let's go home. We could do a home birth in the bathtub. It might be a tight squeeze but I bet we could both fit in there.”

“I'm going to put corn and hot sauce on your wiener, and then I'll hit you in the face with it. Hit you in the face with your corny wiener.”