“It’s totally fine,” I explained to Liz as she paced back and forth behind the couch. “She’s totally housebroken. She’ll go to the door and spit on it when she needs to go out.”

“Tell Liz,' I say, 'the mean girl totally got what she deserved in the end.”

“I’ll wait for however long it takesbecause I know she’s afraid that if sheallows herself to be totally happy, it willbe taken away from her again. She needsto know that I’m not going anywhere. I cantell her all I want, but she needs to feel it.”

“This sucks. You didn’t have to take chemistry or government or anything. And that is so unfair that she’s letting you take art.”“It’s because I’m cute.”“It’s because you brainwashed her.”“Jealous?” he asked, waving his schedule back and forth in front of my face.Like I was going to fall for that. “No.”“Liar.”Totally. But I’d never admit it.”

“Hi Liz! You're home!" I replied, my voice louder than it probably should've been. "Hey, how's it going?" she asked, her eyes narrowing and moving shiftily from me to Peter and back. "It's going good. Even better. Is it? Yeah, I guess. Good. Really good. Totally better," I babbled, while Peter could only manage a raised hand in greeting and a weird phrase like, "Down the basement." Liz rolled her eyes and trudged off, calling back as she vanished from view, "I want the results of pregnancy tests from both of you by the time I get out of the shower!”

“It’s good she hooked up with me, she’s such a nut, she needs a badass to take her back.”