“Jewish vampires: Garlic? As a weapon? No its a spice silly human”

“There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.”

“I'll tell you what: How about no more suicide attempts; no more walking off with strangers; no more trying to fight vampires with silly, human weapons--silver bullets only work on werewolves, Jocelyn--and no more holding Nachari's hand. And we'll be just fine.”

“Jewish vampires: blood can’t be kosher… can it?”

“Jewish vampires: We turn into cats not bats bwaaahaha”

“Jewish vampires: Starve me to death? Seriously? Then what?”