“MarkBaynard: I figured out in the first grade that it was better to crack a joke than somebody's skull.”

“Somebody cracks a joke, a whole row laughs, one witticism sets off another, and, like matches, they flare up and burn down.”

“For as long as we can remember,” [Griff] said, “I mean literally our whole conscious lives, time has been neatly divided into semesters and years. Each year completely distinguishable and unique. First grade, third grade. We didn’t measure by age, we measured by grade. Like I know I broke my arm in sixth grade but I’d have to do the math to figure out what year that was, or how old I was.”

“All nationalistic distinctions - all claims to be better than somebody else because you have a different-shaped skull or speak a different dialect - are entirely spurious, but they are important so long as people believe in them.”

“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade”

“I’ll leave the door cracked, because cracked is better than broken.”