“MarkBaynard: I figured out in the first grade that it was better to crack a joke than somebody's skull.”

“MarkBaynard: You know what they say- dying is easy; comedy is hard.”

“MarkBaynard: If you start hanging out over here, won't your Facebook Friends miss you?Abby_Donovan: Those people weren't my friends. If they had been, they wouldn't have sent me all those annoying quizzes.MarkBaynard: A true friend never asks you to feed their imaginary fish. Or fertilize their imaginary crops.Abby_Donovan: Although with a little coaxing, I might be persuaded to take home your imaginary kitten. So how is Twitter different from Facebook?MarkBaynard: Twitter is the perpetual cocktail party where everyone is talking at once but nobody is saying anything.”

“Abby_Donovan: I bet you were one of those uber-cool teachers like Mr.Chip, weren't you?MarkBaynard: I was more like Mr.Kotter or that guy from GLEE who looks like the love child of Orlando Bloom & Justin Timberlake.Abby_Donovan: Your female students were probably writing "I love you" on their eyelids and listening to "Don't Stand So Close to Me" on their Walkmans.[...]Abby_Donovan: Goodnight Mr.SchuesterMarkBaynard: Goodnight Miss PillsburyAbby_Donovan: Goodnight PuckMarkBaynard: Goodnight RachelAbby_Donovan: Goodnight KurtMarkBaynard: Goodnight QuinnAbby_Donovan: Goodnight FinnMarkBaynard: Goodnight Sue Sylvester, you heartless but oddly sexy beastAbby_Donovan: Goodnight ArtieMarkBaynard: Goodnight Tweetheart...”

“Odd Thing to Read After an Autopsy: “He was in much better health than we expected.” Well, yeah … except for the DEAD part.”

“They were old, their covers cracked and their bindings frayed, but as far as Gwendolyn was concerned that only made the words cocooned between their musty pages more precious.”

“Don’t U want someone to complete you the way Mini-Me completed Dr. Evil? Someone who shares the same tastes in music food who will finish … my sentences? The last thing I need is someone stealing the punch lines to all my jokes.”