“I don't care if he never becomes my boyfriend or my husband, i just want him to be legitimate.”

“They're bored with their boring husbands who are workaholics like my dad. They're bored with their boring lives, sick of us kids and all this puberty and rebelling, so they pop pills all day long and shop and watch the soaps, and then when it all starts to fall apart they realize they just want to be happy again, so they go to rehab to clean up their act and then start fresh. Can you relate?”

“Because after my marriage fell apart I felt like an empty parking space, and James just pulled into it.”

“You've been killing me inside and I don't want to die like this.”

“I'm not trying to be a middle aged centerfold, I just want to look at myself naked and not be disgusted.”

“Look, as my mama always said, 'One monkey don't stop no show.”

“Okay, so I lied about my age. Everybody does.”