“No matter how much he loves you, sometimes he'd just rather have an inch of rain than anything else in the world.”

“There is no other human activity that depends so much on chance as love.”

“After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good that he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.”

“Remain independent of any source of income that will deprive you of your personal liberties.”

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“When we sleep together, he holds me like he loves me. I've noticed this: when it's the first date, and you fuck, the guy holds you much better than he does the next few times. The first date, you're sort of a stand-in for whomever he loved last, before he fully realizes you're not her, so you get all this nice residue emotion.”