“I'm getting pretty good at masturbating”
“I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.”
“I'm pretty, but I'm not beautiful. I sin, but I'm not the devil. I'm good, but I'm not an angel.”
“Life's pretty good, and why wouldnt it be? I'm a pirate, after all.”
“Procrastination is like masturbation, in the beginning it feels good, but in the end, you're just f***ing yourself!”
“Absolutely not. I'm an expert in procrastination, but the last thing I want you to think is that I'm incompetent, too. Because I'm actually pretty good at what I do.”