“And I was holding someone who was destined to be my best friend, or possibly my worst enemy.”

“It doesn't matter! From waist down, my best friend is a donkey.....”

“Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter."Piper: "Is that another joke?”

“I will feast on enemies of Ra until my belly is full!”“Charming,” Sadie whispered.”

“He was slumped over, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. I shook his furry hip, thinking, No! Even if you are half barnyard animal, you're my best friend and I don't want you to die!”

“Nekhbet shrieked in alarm. I turned to see what was going on. Immediately, I wished I could burn my eyes out of my head. Liz made a gagging sound. "Lord, no! That's wrong!" "Agh!" Emma shouted, in perfect baboon-speak. "Make him stop!"Bes had indeed put on his ugly outfit.He climbed onto the roof of the limo and stood there, legs planted, arms akimbo, like Superman- except with only the underwear. For those faint of heart I wont go into detail, but Bes, all of a meter tall, was showing off his disgusting physique- his potbelly, hairy limbs, awful feet, gross flabby bits- and wearing only a blue Speedo. Imagine the worst looking person you've ever seen on a public beach- the person for whom swimwear should be illegal. Bes looked worse than that.I wasn't sure what to say except: "Put some clothes on!"Bes laughed= the sort of guffaw that says Ha-ha! I'm amazing!"Not until they leave," he said. "Or I'll be forced to scare them back to the Duat.""This is not your affair, dwarf god!" Nekhbet snarled, averting her eyes from his horribleness. "Go away!""These children are under my protection," Bes insisted"I don't know you," I said. "I never met you before today.""Nonsense. You expressly asked for my protection.""I didn't ask for the Speedo Patrol!"Bes leaped off the limo and landed in front of my circle placing himself between Babi and me. The dwarf was even more horrible from behind. His back was so hairy it looked like a mink coat. And on the back of his Speedo was printed DWARF PRIDE.”

“Oh my gosh! Somebody get a can opener! I've got a god stuck in my head!”