“Adding kidney beans to his cottage cheese and pineapple was an act of bravery Dave had not intended.”

“Dave put a lot of thought into picking out the books his dad would like least.”

“Don't you know a kiss would change the world forever?”

“On the porch were the still-smoking remains of long-stemmed roses, evidence that someone angry and passive-aggressive didn't know Peter was out of town.”

“I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.”

“Cottage cheese, broken down into its simplest form, is milk that has been curdled to mimic the cellulite its consumption is meant to banish.”

“I had a craving for pineapple and a pink cardigan”