“Down the toilet, lookit me, What a silly thing ta do!Hope nobody takes a pee,Yippy dippy dippy doo . . .”

“Thou may leave the toilet seat up. But thou shalt not leave the toilet seat down and pee on it.”

“Will had never wanted to fall in love. When it had happened to friends, it had always struck him as a peculiarly unpleasant-seeming experience, what with all the loss of sleep and weight, and the unhappiness when it was reciprocated, and the suspect, dippy happiness when it was working out.”

“Why do you always come in to kiss me while I'm on the toilet?" I asked."Makes us feel close to you," Chuck said, surprised I would ask. "Peeing is one of the special things we share.”

“Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate. ”

“All these polo-necked wankers from grammar schools were going out and buying songs like ‘San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair)’. Flowers in your hair? Do me a f**king favour.[...]Who gave a dog’s arse about what people were doing in San Francisco, anyway? The only flowers anyone saw in Aston were the ones they threw in the hole after you when you croaked it at the age of fifty-three ’cos you’d worked yourself to death.I hated those hippy-dippy songs, man.Really hated them.”