“I'm probably laughing at myself more than anyone is, because I'm around me all the time.”

“Everything you think makes you cool makes you even more of a loser.”

“The problem is you don't understand what the problem is.”

“It will kill you to love like you will never die.”

“That one brown house still had that hole in its garage door splintering like a chewed cookie smile, the hole the exact size and height of the car parked on the driveway in front of it.”

“I could always make people around me laugh. It was more of a defense mechanism more than anything else, because I was a pretty shy guy.”

“I'm Cinderella. No, I'm better than Cinderella, because she only got the prince, didn't she? I'm Cinderella with fab teeth and a shit-hot job.”