“I have to admit that I am in a bit of a predicament." (opening line to 'The Dance of the Pheasodile' where the guy is hanging naked from a helicopter outside his wife's 18th floor office in Central London)”

“One day someone will say to me: “Is it autobiographical?” And I shall reply: “Only the bit where I die.” To die has always been my sole ambition. Everything else is transitory." (opening line to 'Blood & Marriage')”

“I am on warp-speed headed directly for the sun; I am Icarus." (opening line of 'Girl on a Bar Stool', new / CreateSpace version)”

“Two uniformed officers approached him at speed. Both were wearing Salvation Army badges and carrying some fearsomely bulky weapons labelled as ‘Googles’.One of them drew his Google and aimed it barrel-forward at my grandfather.”

“Yeah, you’ve guessed it. I am an estate agent by day, a rebel with integrity by night." (Ch1 '(Just like) El Cid's Bloomers')”

“The uniformed man led him along a short corridor and turned right at an electronic display proclaiming “The new collection from Kelloggs” and portraying several variations of luminous crotchless panties. Grandfather frowned. “Can you eat those?” he asked the man, pointing at the display.The man grinned. “If you buy them, Sir, I am sure that you can do anything you want with them. Eat the panties, devour the contents …. This way, Sir.”

“One of the great books of our time. I should know; I wrote it." (apocryphal)”