“They say the road to happiness is a long one, but I was afraid I'd run out of gas before I arrived.”

“The first promise you break, is the one that's rarely forgiven.”

“Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.”

“Why would you want my given name?""Because I'd like to call out your given name when I thrust into you."~Dante”

“There was a rich old guy named John Donnelly who must have donated a bunch of money. He had forgotten his member card one day, and when I tried to explain that it was a four-dollar fee to enter without a card, he went batshit. "Don't you know who I am, goddammit?" I had never seen him before. "Do you know who I am?" I wanted to say. "Then how could I know who you are? We don't know each other.”

“You know what I think? I think you should stop all this nonesense and screw the shit out of him until he passes out from exhaustion...you'll have to feed him, of course, to keep his energy level up, but make sure you hide his clothes so he can't get dressed. Men can't run when they're naked.”

“I have a suspicion - and hear me out, 'cause this is a rough one - I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.”