“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”

“But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.”

“You actually fucked her? What, did her forked tongue feel exceptionally good on your dick or something?" —Keely to Jack after meeting his ex-girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriends are like car wrecks. You shouldn't want to know the details, but you do.”

“On the other hand, it's like we're three years old. You don't want that scruffy old teddy bear until your friend takes it and starts having a good time with it. Then suddenly it's the cutest bear you've ever seen, and you want to get it away from her.”

“What are you gonna say?" Emma asked. " 'I'm not sure I want you back, but I'm sure I don't want your ex-con ex-girlfriend to have you, either'? Yeah. That'll start this little triangle off on the right foot.”