“Had Dr. Seuss been a slightly insane pornographer, he might have written a book like this.--reviewing Nicholson Baker's House of Holes”

“The bluff on which Natchez sat was huge, and the road zigged and zagged and curled and twisted and dropped— like something Dr. Seuss might have imagined in a book titled The Cat in the Hat Drinks Blood.”

“I might also say, regarding reviews and reviewers, that I have yet to read a review of any of my own books which I could not have written much better myself.”

“Dr. Seuss provided "ingenious and uniquely witty solutions to the standing problem of the juvenile fantasy writer: how to find, not another Alice, but another rabbit hole.”

“ Alessandra wrote:To label this book "Dr. Seuss" is too much.He never yet wrote it, nor genius it touched.It's flat, it's pedantic, it leaves children bored,The very things Teddy S. Geisel abhorred.Go read some real Dr. Seuss if you wish.Let these hand-puppet zombies drone on about fish.”

“I have had a lot of readers of my book tell me that they like it, but so far only two reviews have been listed. Could you help?”