“Beer can lead men to think they're mighty and foul-mouthed women to believe themselves amusing and hip.”

“Beer makes all jokes funny. Beer makes ugly and fat women attractive, which is something ugly women can't do for themselves, because they're too busy getting fat. Beer is also refreshing and a good listener.”

“Women like silent men. They think they're listening.”

“I believe that entertainment and amusements are the work of the Enemy to keep dying men from knowing they're dying; and to keep enemies of God from remembering that they're enemies.”

“Danny shook his head, amusement relaxing the tense line of his mouth. 'Is that all you think about?''No! Sometimes I think about food. And beer. The color cyan. I'm a complex and multilayered flower, Danny.”

“And so my thoughts have lead me to believe that childless men and women lead lives more fortunate than those with sons and daughters.”