“Only the young and the beautiful should be allowed to fuck.”

“Would you complain because a beautiful sunset doesn't have a future or a shooting star a payoff? And why should romance 'lead anywhere'? Passion isn't a path through the woods. Passion is the woods.”

“Of the Seven Dwarfs, the only one who shaved was Dopey. That should tell us something about the wisdom of shaving.”

“There's nothing like the word dangerous to generate interest: it's irresistible to young males, scary to most young females.”

“If every time we choose a turd, society, at a great expense, simply allows us to redeem it for a pepperoni, then not only will we never learn to make smart choices, we will also surrender the freedom to choose, because a choice without consequences is no choice at all.”

“If this typewriter can't do it, then fuck it, it can't be done.”

“This cave within a cave, this paleolithic pussy, this decent into the deepest dark of fuck.”