“There's no such thing as security in this life sweetheart, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you'll be. The person who strives for security will never be free. The person who believes she's found security will never reach paradise. What she mistakes for security is purgatory. You know what purgatory is, Gwendolyn? It's the waiting room, it's the lobby. Not only does she have the wrong libretto, she's stuck in the lobby where she can't see the show.”

“Although a security guard is ostensibly there to provide security, his actual role is to give the illusion of safety to suburban women. If someone wants to do something dangerous, a security guard is helpless to stop them. Most older security guards understand this. If you're a yuppie in a suit, you will never get stopped. If you're a bike messenger, they're on you in a heartbeat. Go stand in an office building lobby and watch if you don't believe me.”

“But no brutality disgusted her: I suppose she has an innate admiration for it, if only her precious person were secure from injury!”

“Do you know what it's like to run spellcheck for six hours? It's like a party in purgatory. A party in purgatory where all they have to drink is sugar-free Kool-aid, and the only game to play is Monopoly, and none of your friends show up.”

“Is not as if you can not suck the nipples of the queen like the way you dealt with other women but it's just that she understands the productivity in security and relationship.”

“She hands me a security badge that says VIRGIN.”