“it seems a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and lodged itself in the ovaries of a woman standing approximately 100 ft. away. She's alright, the baby's doing fine...ofcourse the soldier's a little pissed off...”

“Children make up the best songs, anyway. Better than grown-ups. Kids are always working on songs and throwing them away, like little origami things or paper airplanes. They don't care if they lose it; they'll just make another one.”

“God's away, God's away, God's away on business. Business!”

“You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.”

“The big print giveth and the small print taketh away. ”

“The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.”

“The ship is sinkingThe ship is sinkingThere's leak, there's a leak,in the boiler roomThe poor, the lame, the blindWho ore the ones that we kept inchargeKillers, thieves, and lawyersGod's Away, God's awayGod's away on Business”