“You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.”

“I worry about a lot of things, but I don’t worry about achievements. I worry primarily about whether there are nightclubs in Heaven.”

“And they all pretend they're OrphansAnd their memory's like a trainYou can see it getting smaller as it pulls awayAnd the things you can't rememberTell the things you can't forget thatHistory puts a saint in every dream”

“The higher that the monkey can climb, the more he shows his tail.Call no man happy till he dies, there's no milk at the bottom of the pail.God builds a church and the devil builds a chapel, like the thistles that are growing 'round the trunk of a tree.All the good in the world you could put inside a thimble, and still have room for you and me.If there's one thing you can say about mankind, there's nothing kind about man.You can drive out nature with a pitchfork, but it always coming roaring back again.Misery's the river of the world, misery's the river of the world.Everybody row, everybody row;misery's the river of the world.”

“and when they pulled her from the wreck, you know, she still had on her shades”

“Never have your wallet with you onstage. It's bad luck. You shouldn't play the piano with money in your pocket. Play like you need the money.Tom Waits (to me, about 1986 or so)”

“You got to tell me the brave captain Why are the wicked so strong? How do the angels get to sleepWhen the devil leaves the porch light on?”