“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.”

“A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.”

“I belong to the secret six. It's so secret I don't even know the other five.”

“It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.”

“spoon, jar, jar jar spoon”

“I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.”

“I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.”