“Whenever anyone tells me that history's boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis.”

“Whenever someone implies that history is boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis.”

“My whole life has conspired to bring me to this place, and I can’t despise my whole life.”

“To become straight, you have to transform your cock into a phallus, that well-washed instrument of power The asshole can remain dirty, but you've got to sew it up, forget the half of the penis that joins it, favor external part and confine orgasm to that part”

“Whenever your in shit theres an asshole behind it.”

“For me, once I've made a cup of tea I belong somehow. It's like I'm marking out my territory, and anyone attempting to come and make a cup of tea on my patch will be dealt with most severely, more likely than not with a counter attack into their territory and the seizure of their milk cartons and shortbread biscuits.”

“I'm a barrelful of hate! Come open me up!”