“Eat smarties. They make you smart.”

“I'll even wear a white hat if it helps. Do you think they make white witch hats?”

“Money is my drug of choice--and you can't make money if you're always stoned or high. (Twila Taunton in Redneck P.I.)”

“I think honesty is important like you said. But what I actually think is that the key to a good relationship is forgiveness, because without it we're all completely screwed. [...] Because we're all human, and we all make mistakes. Without forgiveness, we'd all be walking this Earth angry and alone, and I think that would really suck.”

“She beams at me and it’s almost enough to make up for the fact that I’m harder than trigonometry right now. Almost.”

“I thought I was having a fucking stroke," I say as they free me from my coated elastic prison, making them laugh even harder.”

“you have to let the one you love go, so that if they come back to you, you know that they are yours forever”