“They've had the old clap-yo'-hands so many times it amounts to applause.”

“Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with two spoonfuls of silence.”

“In the end we had changed the position of the hands so many times that we had no idea what the time really was.”

“The room was hushed for a heartbeat more, and then my classmates started to clap. The clapping was modest and didn't shake the room in thunderous applause, but for me, it was a moment I won't forget as long as I live.”

“Every now and then one stands up and orates at length to the unfortunate crowd, after which he bows to their scattered applause. Personally, I think they’d be better served by plates broken over their heads than by hand-claps.”

“The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.”