“Sometimes are feats aren’t so fabulous, they’re just dubious—but either way, they’re fun to talk about.”

“People aren’t broken. They’re just interestingly wired.”

“The green things of this world are just wondrous, aren’t they?” his mother went on. “We work so hard to get rid of them when sometimes they’re the very thing that saves us.”

“Writers aren’t people exactly. Or, if they’re any good, they’re a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person.”

“Fuck you, human. (Phoenix)Wow, boys and girls, they’re just so inviting, aren’t they. Martha Stewart would be proud. (Susan)”

“I don’t trust compliments. I’ve been getting them for years. Sometimes I deserve them, sometimes I didn’t. But generally when people give you compliments there’s one of two things wrong with them. Either they’re false, or what’s worse is they’re sincere. They really mean the compliment. And then they’re offering you their loyalty. And I’m kind of a stingy… Well, I don’t necessarily want to give all that loyalty back. So either way, let’s skip the compliments.”