“I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.”

“It was like the Justice League of Super Heroes but instead it was the Justice League of Hot Guys.”

“Today I will masterbate!Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!”

“Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty, but seeming so, for my peculiar end: for when my outward action doth demonstrate the native act and figure of my heart in compliment extern, 'tis not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at: I am not what I am.”

“I had an action figure that did that,” Graham nodded. “I tried to use it on my mum, once. Got me in no end of Barney.”

“Were I the Moor I would not be Iago.In following him I follow but myself;Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty,But seeming so for my peculiar end.For when my outward action doth demonstrateThe native act and figure of my heartIn compliment extern, ’tis not long afterBut I will wear my heart upon my sleeveFor daws to peck at. I am not what I am”