“I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.”

“5:16 I shotgun two beers, piss out the bedroom window, catcall passing girls, burp violently, put cage fighting on tv, play with myself. I feel manly again.”

“I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.”

“I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.”

“Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.”

“Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"Tucker: "I don't understand the question.”

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.”