“Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.”

“5:16 I shotgun two beers, piss out the bedroom window, catcall passing girls, burp violently, put cage fighting on tv, play with myself. I feel manly again.”

“Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"Tucker: "I don't understand the question.”

“I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.”

“See, what you're talking about is why hanging out with ME would be fun for YOU. It doesn't explain anything about why it'd be fun for ME. You don't bring banter. You aren't witty. You aren't funny. There is nothing to pick from your brain. You're looking for me to entertain you. A relationship is an exchange, not a one-way street. Look beyond your own personal desires for a second and understand what you bring to the exchange- nothing.”

“She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.”

“I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.”