“ Once upon a time, there was a little creature that was rather small and rather wicked and it lived all alone in the woods. The little creature lived in a little den, at the bottom of a little ravine, filled with not-at-all little brambles and on the edge of a forest that could only be described as really freakin' huge.”

“I love boats. Boats are great. You can get all kinds of places and meet all kinds of interesting people, and you never know if they're going to try to eat you or worship you.”

“The last time Wendell's mother had caught them playing cowboys and Indians, she'd read them a twenty-minute lecture on the history of Native American oppression, which had really put a damper on things. It was hard to have a thrilling shoot-out while yelling: 'I respect your position and hope that we can come to a mutually respectful conclusion!”

“The unread story is not a story; it is little black marks on wood pulp. The reader, reading it, makes it live: a live thing, a story.”

“IncendiaryThat one small boy with a face like pallid cheeseAnd burnt-out little eyes could make a blazeAs brazen, fierce and huge, as red and goldAnd zany yellow as the one that spoiledThree thousand guineas' worth of propertyAnd crops at Godwin's Farm on SaturdayIs frightening---as fact and metaphor:An ordinary match intended forThe lighting of a pipe or kitchen fireMisused may set a whole menagerieOf flame-fanged tigers roaring hungrily.And frightening, too, that one small boy should setThe sky on fire and choke the stars to heatSuch skinny limbs and such a little heartWhich would have been content with one warm kissHad there been anyone to offer this.”

“...and that's how Snuggles the hamster learned that yes, things COULD always get worse. ”

“Okay. Morality in a nutshell. Don't hurt people if you can avoid it. Don't steal stuff unless you're starving or it's really, really important. Work hard. Pay your bills. Try to help others. Always double-check your math if there are explosives involved. If you screwed it up, you need to see it gets fixed. And don't eat anything that talks. If it doesn't fall under one of those categories, just do the best you can.”