“Tonight I’ve been dealing with a known killer, a male whore, a scam artist and now I’ve graduated to talking to a mayor. Who’s next? The President of the National Association of Rodents?”

“The trick to being smart is knowing when to play dumb.”

“Either you're going to shoot us or you're not. The ball always lands on red or black, never both.”

“Yippee. I’ve been promoted from fire lighter to delivery boy. I’ll write a letter home to Mother. She’ll be so pleased.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, smirking slightly. “I’d bet that’s the first time in your life you’ve ever been impulsive. Don’t apologize for it.”“Nah” I said, waving my hand in dismissal. “I hauled off and punched a girl a few weeks ago when I caught her kissing my boyfriend. That was the most impulsive I’ve ever been.”

“I remember you – thirty percent off boardshorts,” he said, smirking slightly. I couldn’t believe he remembered that. It had been weeks ago.“They’re down to fifty percent off now,” I said. “If you want a deal, there are still some left.” I wanted to smack myself in the head. I could not believe I was flirting by talking about a sale at work. I was a conversational moron.”

“Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.”