“It's easier for a rich man to ride that camel through the eye of a needle directly into the Kingdom of Heaven, than for some of us to give up our cell phone.”

“Again I tell you it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

“No rich man can walk through the eye of a needle.”

“The rich man cannot enter the kingdom of heaven because he is already there.”

“It's not that you can't get things done with the use of a cell phone; indeed you can get a lot of things done. However, the nature of what you get done is highly skewed. Just as the man with only a hammer sees everything as nails, the incessant cell phone user accomplishes a variety of tasks, understandably enough, that accrue directly to having a cell phone.”

“...the future of the world lies with the yellow man and the brown man now that our erstwhile master, the white-skinned man, has wasted himself through buggery, cell phone usage, and drug abuse”