“Show me the science. Last I heard, gay six-year-olds remain unproven.”

“That scorpion is turning me into a human! Quick, stop him! Before the transformation is complete!”

“I swear, it's like God is just squatting over us, pissing incessantly right on our faces as we try to get off this annoying planet. I think he's enjoying this.”

“I consider myself a green party supporter...because green represents my favorite color other than clear. And I met a guy who was running for the green party this one time, and he seemed like he had a great head on his shoulders for a homeless guy.”

“The guy got torn the hell in half. He's in two big pieces, and he's very dead, unless I need him for the plot later.”

“Baby, where we're going, you won't need a shirt.”

“Unfortunately for Sampson, the naked mole rat was in heat at the moment.”