“It appeared that spending my formative years getting smacked around by my dad may have earned me the privileged of getting smacked around by a bunch of vampires.”

“Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum.She honked my codpiece.You honked my codpiece."Aye, give it up, fool." [...]”

“Myth: Vampires have huge stockpiles of gold and treasure.Truth: If that were true, I'd be able to get my dad to actually buy me a car. ”

“My protective instincts were going into overdrive and I wanted to go smack the shit out of the punk for getting my friend wound up like that. No one messed with my girls. Ever.”

“That earns him a smack with my book bag."Ow." He clutches his arm. "What do you have in there? Books?" A grin snakes across his face. "I like my women feisty."He adds, "I like my broken.”

“You have to work to carve out your own little corner, and I'm certainly smacking my head against the wall trying to make a dent. I just hope I don't get brain-damaged before I get there”