“My sister the booty police.”

“My motto is: When in doubt, just keep lying. Even if you're terrible at it.”

“And I was fairly certain that my strong-enough-for-King-Kong-but-made-for-a-woman deodorant had utterly failed. --Doom with a View”

“I'm not quite sure which scout troop Heath belonged to, but it certainly wasn't the "I will totally honor my previous promise of no hanky-panky in the shower" troop.”

“I didn't care for the energy of the place—too many people and too much cigarette smoke—so I ventured instead near the lobby and the shops. At first I was a little intimidated by all the designer labels, but after a while I ventured into Dolce & Gabbana and Louis Vuitton and of course my favorite, Jimmy Choo. I was like a kid at the petting zoo, stroking the luxurious fabrics, cuddling with the fine leather purses, and cooing to the shoes. "Want to come home with me?" I asked one pair of beautiful snakeskin sandals. Their $450 price tag begged to differ, however, and I left them to find another home.”

“What kind of a man thinks it's appropriate to give his soon- to-be bride a lethal weapon for a wedding present?”

“I had one word for him, and it started with an "ass" and ended in "hole.”