“Mom may be able to power a city, but Dad barely stays lit.”

“Parental looks rely a lot on brow positioning. Whereas the Dad Look involves the lowering of the brow as a whole, the Mom Look takes advantage of the power of the single, raised brow. Of Doom.”

“Mom and Dad aren't pronouns; they're relationships.”

“‎"Someday I'm going to marry someone like my mom and I'll be smiling all the time the way my Mom and Dad are.”

“When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children”

“At school, he enacted a major piece of treachery against his parents. His right hand was Evil Dad, and his left was Righteous Mom. Evil Dad blustered and theorized and dished out pompous bullshit. Righteous Mom complained and accused. In Righteous Mom's cosmology, Evil Dad was the sole source of hemmoroids, kleptomania, global conflict, bad breath, tectonic-plate fault lines, and clogged drains, as well as every migraine headache and menstrual cramp Righteous Mom had ever suffered.”